Grief Support

Grief Support

It can be difficult to know what to say or do when a loved one is grieving after a loss. Individuals mourning the loss of a loved one may feel intense emotions including depression, guilt, and sadness. Often, the bereaved can feel alone and isolated in their grief. This may lead to some individuals feeling uncomfortable about offering support because they feel like they might say the wrong thing or feel like they are intruding during such a difficult time. It is understandable to feel mixed emotions, most people do when attempting to offer support to someone they care about, when grieving a loss. However, do not let discomfort prevent you from offering a loved one support. The important thing is that you are there for the person you care about in their time of need. Keep in mind, you do not have to have all the answers or know all the right things to say. The important thing to do for somebody who is grieving is simply be there for them. Just the fact that your loved one knows they have your support and caring presence will help cope with the pain and start the healing process. Below we have summarized a list of key notes to help with support a loved one who is grieving. 



  • Do not let discomfort stop you from attempting to reach out. 
  • Offer your grieving loved one a shoulder to cry/lean on. Let them know you are there to listen. 
  • Understand that the bereaved grieves differently and for different lengths of time. 
  • Offer help with chores around the house or tasks in their daily schedule. 
  • Offer help with the funeral arrangements. 
  • Maintain your support after the funeral. 
While dealing with grief is not easy, we believe the resources within this section of our website can help. Should you need additional support in grieving your loss, please call us. We will do everything we can to assist you.

Grieving with Purpose

No one is prepared for grief. The rush of feelings, the thoughts, anxieties, and heartache can take us by surprise and drive us to our knees. Yet, when we choose to harness that power for self-growth, amazing things can happen. Good can come from pain.

Sigmund Freud first brought up the concept of grief work in 1917, and today the idea that bereavement is purpose-driven continues. Dr. James Worden chose to see the work of bereavement as task-oriented:
  1. To accept the reality of the loss
  2. To process the pain of grief
  3. To adjust to a world without the deceased
  4. To find an enduring connection with the deceased in the midst of embarking on a new life
Your current job is to focus your attention on achieving each of those goals. It will not occur in any logical order; each of us is different and the path we walk in the bereavement journey is not a straight one.

Dealing with grief is hard work. It takes both courage and hard work to successfully adapt to the loss of a significant person in your life.

Six Signposts Along Your Journey

Dr. Stephen Joseph identifies what he calls six signposts to facilitate post traumatic growth. He reminds readers too that "post traumatic growth does not imply the absence of emotional distress and difficulties in living. It does imply that it is possible through the struggle to come out on the other side, stronger and more philosophical about life."

Before identifying these six signposts, Dr. Joseph reminds his readers of three very important things:
  1. You are not on your own
  2. Trauma is a normal and natural process
  3. Growth is a journey
He also provides a fundamental rule: don't do anything you might not be able to handle now. "If you experience intense emotions, become physically upset, or begin to panic... stop." He gently reminds readers that "having a sense of personal control over your recovery is important. There might be some things you do not feel ready to handle now, but in time, as you discover new strength and develop new coping skills, this will likely change."

"By focusing on these six signposts," writes Dr. Joseph, "you will find that your post-traumatic growth is beginning to take root."

Signpost #1: Taking Stock

Are you physically well? Are you getting enough sleep and eating the right foods for optimum health? Have you received the kind of medical, legal, or psychological help you need? What is your current condition: physically, spiritually, and emotionally?

Signpost #2: Harvesting Hope

People traumatized by loss often feel hopeless. It's hard to get up in the morning and thinking about the future sparks pessimism and negativity. Find inspiration in the stories of personal growth written by others; set goals and practice hope as you set out to achieve them.

Signpost #3: Re-Authoring

Learn to tell your story differently. Take the victim mentality out of the story of loss you tell yourself and others and replace it with the word survivor to return to a sense of control over your life.

Signpost #4: Identifying Change

Keeping a daily diary can help you to see the small changes within more easily. You can also track those moments when you feel at your best and identify the conditions that brought them about. Identify and nurture the positive changes in your life throughout your bereavement journey.

Signpost #5: Valuing Change

Review these changes, identifying the ones that you'd like to continue to nurture. Personal transformation requires it. Growth is encouraged when we take time to think about what we have gained from loved ones and when we find a way to use what we have learned to give to others.

Signpost #6: Expressing Change in Action

Express your growth in new behaviors or, more simply, put your growth into action. When you think in terms of concrete actions, it helps make the growth experienced within your bereavement real to you.

Ending Denial and Finding Acceptance

Acceptance is the very first task in your bereavement. Dr. James Worden writes that we must "come full face with the reality that the person is dead, that the person is gone and will not return."

This is where a funeral can be very important. Traditionally, the casketed body of the deceased is at the front of the room and guests are invited to step up to personally say their goodbyes. Part of stepping up means seeing with our own eyes that death has actually occurred and that actualizing is an essential part of coming to accept the death. Yet, the tradition of viewing has eroded over time with many families today choosing cremation and opting to hold a memorial service after the cremation has taken place. The focal point of the ceremony becomes the cremation urn, holding the cremated remains or ashes out-of-sight and making the reality of the death less evident and the road to acceptance less clearly marked.

Acceptance May Seem Out of Reach

For many, acceptance means agreeing to reality. Most of us, when we lose someone dear to us, simply don't want to agree to it; we actually have an aversion to agreeing and accepting. So, let's use a different word—try "adjustment", or "integration". Both words focus on the purposeful release of disbelief. Someone who has integrated the death of a loved one into their life has cleared the path to creating a new life; a pro-active life where a loved one's memory is held dear, perhaps as a motivating force for change.

It does take time. In "Coping with the Loss of a Loved One", the American Cancer Society cautions readers that "acceptance does not happen overnight. It’s common for it to take a year or longer to resolve the emotional and life changes that come with the death of a loved one. The pain may become less intense, but it’s normal to feel emotionally involved with the deceased for many years after their death. In time, the person should be able to reclaim the emotional energy that was invested in the relationship with the deceased, and use it in other relationships."

Whatever you call it, this essential part of mourning is what allows us to live fully again. It allows us to step out of the darkness of mere existence and back into the sunshine where life is sweet again. Of course, it's a very different life than the one you had before your loved one died.

Local Grief Support

Located at 4624 Packard Street, Ann Arbor, MI 48108

Grievewell provides one-to-one, personalized peer support under the oversight of a trained professional.

They prepare people to effectively support the bereaved through education and outreach.

Grievewell works to build stronger, more supportive communities through engaging events and activities.


Located at 2366 Oak Valley Drive, Ann Arbor, MI 48103

During a serious illness and loss of a loved one, each person copes with grief in a very personal and unique way.

Arbor Hospice offers a range of expert support services to help explore, understand and express the grief that is exclusively yours. They also feature specialized grief support for children and teens.


Located at 2010 Hogback Rd. #3, Ann Arbor, MI 48105

The Cancer Support Community offers a wide variety of Cancer Support groups in Scheduled Weekly Support Groups as well as many Drop-In Support Groups.

Please visit their webpage for more information on the many different support groups.


GriefShare is a friendly, caring group of people who will walk alongside you through one of life’s most difficult experiences. You don’t have to go through the grieving process alone.

GriefShare is a Christian based support network that will locate a local Grief Support Group in your area.

Many groups can and will meet online. 


Loss of a Child

Remembering Cherubs is a nonprofit pregnancy loss resource organization, serving Southeast Michigan.

Their services are carried out online and events are held at local partnering venues.

  • Support - Remembering Cherubs partner with grief-centered organizations to provide peer-to-peer and group support to grieving mothers and their loved ones, at no cost.
  • Guidance – Their Loss Support Toolkit features a guidebook and other tools to guide mothers through pregnancy loss related issues. 
  • Education – They host bi-monthly events in partnership with industry experts to educate mothers and families on overall wellness following loss.


The Compassionate Friends will connect you with local support in many ways.

They will help you find a local TCF Chapter where you can join local, web, and private Facebook groups that will allow the opportunity to interact with other parents, grandparents and siblings who “get” what you’re going through..

Support for Children

Located at 5665 Hines Drive, Ann Arbor, MI 48108

Ele’s Place provides regularly scheduled sessions that allow children to interact with peers who have suffered similar loss and to express their fears, anger, guilt, and sadness in a secure and empowering environment.

Utilization of music, art, story telling, writing, and play promotes the healing process. Clinicians and trained volunteers, supervised by professional clinical staff, facilitate age-appropriate groups for preschool/kindergarten, early elementary, upper elementary, middle school, high school, and young adults (at some locations.)

These age divisions ensure that peer groups are run in an age- and developmentally-appropriate manner and that children are engaged by and with others of a similar level of understanding of death and the serious topics death generates. 

Suggested Books about 
Dealing with Grief:

These books are a great resource when dealing with the loss of a loved one.

by Joanne Cacciatore

When a loved one dies, the pain of loss can feel unbearable—especially in the case of a traumatizing death that leaves us shouting, “NO!” with every fiber of our body. The process of grieving can feel wild and nonlinear—and often lasts for much longer than other people, the nonbereaved, tell us it should.

by Therese A. Rando, PhD

Mourning the death of a loved one is a process all of us will go through at one time or another. But wherever the death is sudden or anticipated, few of us are prepared for it or for the grief it brings. There is no right or wrong way to grieve; each person's response to loss will be different. Now, in this compassionate, comprehensive guide, Therese A. Rando, Ph.D., bereavement specialist and author of Loss And Anticipatory Grief, leads you gently through the painful but necessary process of grieving and helps you find the best way for yourself.

by Megan Devine

When a painful loss or life-shattering event upends your world, here is the first thing to know: there is nothing wrong with grief. "Grief is simply love in its most wild and painful form," says Megan Devine. "It is a natural and sane response to loss."

by George A. Bonnanno PhD

The conventional view of grieving--encapsulated by the famous five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance--is defined by a mourning process that we can only hope to accept and endure. In The Other Side of Sadness, psychologist and emotions expert George Bonanno argues otherwise. Mourning is far from predictable, and all of us share a surprising ability to be resilient. Our inborn emotions--anger and denial, but also relief and joy--help us deal effectively with loss. To expect or require only grief-stricken behavior from the bereaved does them harm. In fact, grieving goes beyond mere sadness, and it can actually deepen interpersonal connections and even lead to a new sense of meaning in life.

Suggested Books for children about 
Dealing with Grief:

These books are made for children who are dealing with the loss of a loved one.

by Patrice Karst

Parents, educators, therapists, and social workers alike have declared The Invisible String the perfect tool for coping with all kinds of separation anxiety, loss, and grief. In this relatable and reassuring contemporary classic, a mother tells her two children that they're all connected by an invisible string. "That's impossible!" the children insist, but still they want to know more: "What kind of string?" The answer is the simple truth that binds us all: An Invisible String made of love. Even though you can't see it with your eyes, you can feel it deep in your heart, and know that you are always connected to the ones you love. Does everybody have an Invisible String? How far does it reach? Does it ever go away? This heartwarming picture book for all ages explores questions about the intangible yet unbreakable connections between us, and opens up deeper conversations about love.

by Joanna Rowland

From the perspective of a young child, Joanna Rowland artfully describes what it is like to remember and grieve a loved one who has died. The child in the story creates a memory box to keep mementos and written memories of the loved one, to help in the grieving process. Heartfelt and comforting, The Memory Box will help children and adults talk about this very difficult topic together. The unique point of view allows the reader to imagine the loss of any they have loved - a friend, family member, or even a pet. A parent guide in the back includes information on helping children manage the complex and difficult emotions they feel when they lose someone they love, as well as suggestions on how to create their own memory box.

by Caron Levis

A beautiful, honest portrait of loss and deep friendship told through the story of two iconic polar bears.
Gus lives in a big park in the middle of an even bigger city, and he spends his days with Ida. Ida is right there. Always.
Then one sad day, Gus learns that Ida is very sick, and she isn’t going to get better. The friends help each other face the difficult news with whispers, sniffles, cuddles, and even laughs. Slowly Gus realizes that even after Ida is gone, she will still be with him—through the sounds of their city, and the memories that live in their favorite spots.
Ida, Always is an exquisitely told story of two best friends—inspired by a real bear friendship—and a gentle, moving, needed reminder that loved ones lost will stay in our hearts, always.
Sources:
  1. Freud, Sigmund. On the History of the Psycho-Analytic Movement Papers on Metaphyschology and Other Works.
  2. Worden, James, Grief Counseling & Grief Therapy: A Handbook for the Mental Health Practitioner, 4th Edition, 2009.
  3. Fleming, Stephen. The Changing Face of Grief: From 'Going On to 'On-Going''
  4. Joseph, Stephen. What Doesn't Kill Us: the New Psychology of Posttraumatic Growth
  5. American Cancer Society, "Coping with the Loss of a Loved One", 2012
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